Kurim's Relationship Plight

Children typically look to adults to guide them through the process of growing up. Whether or not they ask for advice, they learn how to act through watching their parents. Kurim’s parents have a crumbling marriage from the very opening of the novel, which does not provide a positive image of love for the boy. In addition to his father’s affair, Kurim is often subjected to his aunt and uncle’s arguing and griping about one another; consequently, he sees that they really cannot stand to be with one another. Kurim also spends enough time around his father’s friend Anwar and his wife to witness the abusive relationship that they have. From a very young and impressionable age, Kurim perceives very negative connotations associated with the concept of marriage.

As Kurim matures and begins experimenting with his sexuality, he finds himself physically in and out of many beds but never emotionally involved in a relationship. At times he seems as if he wants to have a relationship that extends beyond mere sex, but he never allows himself to, suggesting that this avoidance is his way of protecting himself from the pain and misery that he witnesses between the couples around him. Kurim throws himself into a quest of searching for physical pleasure, but even after receiving it never seems to be happy as he is lacking in the connection that extends beyond the physical.

Not only does Kurim know that his parents are not happy when they are together but he witnesses his father have sex with another woman. His father’s actions model a way of dealing with difficult situations in life. Kurim’s biggest conflict in life results from his unresolved quest to find his identity. Just as his father uses sexual encounters as a quick fix for his unhappy marriage, Kurim follows suit by pursuing many women. While Kurim may not be conscious that he emulates his father’s actions, witnessing his father’s affair is significant and traumatic—a life-altering event—one which most likely plays a role in the manner in which he conducts himself with women.